New job! (most likely)

Oh hey!

As the title suggests, I've got a new job, or rather, a new opportunity/path to a new job. I interviewed and was selected to become a teaching fellow with teachNOLA. (www.teachnola.org) I will be training for the next month and then hopefully by January 20th (or so) I will be in front of a classroom of elementary age kids. Pretty crazy, but pretty exciting!

What thrills me the most about all of this is that I am finally able to really start what I moved here to do, which is help rebuild. I don't know how many of you visited New Orleans before Katrina, but even for the passive visitor, like I always was before the storm, how the city has changed is clear beyond obvious physical damages. Even still, I know Katrina was a devastating storm and that it takes time to rebuild, but I am still surprised when I see decaying and unoccupied buildings or empty lots. It's easy to forget how long it takes to recover from a storm like Katrina, especially when you come from a place (Austin) that has a seriously active volunteer community and strong interest in the well-being of its residents. That's not to say that their isn't a disinterest in the well-being of residents of New Orleans, but that it is a different sort of interest than in Austin, I think. Furthermore, I discovered pretty quickly how decades (and probably longer) of racial favoritism and corrupt politics have left rather large portions of New Orleanians in the dust...or underwater...too soon?? (as HBW would say)

Diatribes aside...what's most important for people to realize is that New Orleans has a huge potential to become great. People care about this city and that is also something I've learned (big time) since moving here. The passion of people from New Orleans about being from New Orleans is incredible. And I thought I was proud to be a Texan(!)...

There are things that are maybe inherent to the New Orleans attitude that could stand to be adjusted in order to facilitate a faster recovery effort (for example: "we can do it tomorrow, let's party today" or "it's always been this way and it will always be this way" or "who is going to fix this for me?"). But I think that these attitudes are shifting too, or well, being influenced positively by the influx of non-New Orleanians moving to the city. And the other side of this, I feel like I have definitely been positively influenced by moving here too. I can't see myself leaving for a long time. I rather like it here.

Anyway, this became convoluted really quickly. Basically what I wanted to say was that I'm on the path to a new job and I'm excited to be helping, or rather, helping more. I want New Orleans to be great. I want kids to know that they are capable and intelligent. I want people to believe in public education. I guess I want a lot of things, but I see them as being completely possible and I think that's good. You gotta have hope, right? I think I heard some guy say that...

Oh and here's a picture of my house...

New Post!

Hi hi, salutations!

Clearly I'm having a rockin' Friday night. I came home from work today and began final preparations on dinner for Boys Hope (http://www.boyshopegirlshope.org/what-we-do.php). Caitlin and I worked together to make a cake, sandwiches, pasta salad and veggies. Last month when we brought food, Ms. Mona invited us to eat with them, but we were going to see a play that evening and couldn't. Therefore, this time we planned to stay with them and we did. I said grace, which was weird, only because I haven't said grace since I was 12 or something. I've heard it said plenty of times, but I never say it...mostly because I think I get stage fright, which I definitely did tonight, but I think also because I try to think what everyone would be thankful for, besides the obvious food sitting in front of us and then just get awkward and say too much...and anyway. I think it went all right. ANYWAY, I started to volunteer to make this dinner once a month, the first Friday of the month, as a part of my personal campaign to get involved in the world outside me and it's neat that it is becoming something for Caitlin and I to do together...which also sort of happened all by accident anyway. But, that seems to be how everything is happening with life here in New Orleans: "accident".

I got a job offer! http://library.uno.edu/about/jobs/la_services_4548.html That's a lie, by the way! Not the job offer, but that it's available, because I took it!! I put in my two weeks at Earth-Search, which is sad, but necessary. Hopefully I'll still be doing some baby sitting and screaming and running and nose wiping and all of that because I have grown to really enjoy it, but it's definitely time to move on and start using my degree. Turns out I went to college for a reason....

OOH! And, I have another interview coming up for TeachNOLA. I'm pretty nervous but excited and need to call my sister (Sally) for advice about a lesson plan. As part of the interview process, which lasts all day (!), I have to make a mock five-minute lesson plan. I can cover any material I want, at any grade level. I figure that because I am interviewing for the position of an elementary school teacher, I should go for that range and I think that I'd really like to teach fourth or fifth graders. I'd really like to avoid any ages that might consistently "accidentally" pee their pants. I'm done with the defecation in the clothing. Another part of the application process is taking the Praxis I and II tests, which I am also anxious about, mostly because the last time I can remember sitting down for an extended period of time and taking a standardized test was six years ago in High School. Ew.

Anyway, I kind of digressed...After dinner tonight, I came home and reclined with the intention to stay reclined for the first time in several days. I obviously immediately fell asleep. It's probably because I took my pants off first. It is absolutely impossible to sleep comfortably in jeans. But yes, I passed out and woke up nearly every hour to read some sort of silly text message and make a half asleep response and then fall back asleep. I have been worried the past couple of days because I was loaned a copy of A Confederacy of Dunces (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Confederacy_of_Dunces), an apparently essential New Orleans read, and thought I had lost it. I was frustrated, mostly, because I was just getting interested in it and wanted to keep reading. I had remembered seeing a copy next to Allison's bed and asked if I could borrow it for the time being. But then I had a "light bulb" moment and thought to check the crack between my bed and the wall. And of course it was there. I had checked under the bed, but not the crack. Almost all things I ever seem to lose have been found in that crack. It's a black hole for my half-thoughts, or something.

ANYWAY, with all this sleep, I woke up around 10:30 to come downstairs and find Allison and Kolbe and John drinking in the kitchen. It smelled like a bar. Don't worry, I put on pants before I went downstairs. It's funny. OR well, it has been funny, living with another girl. It reminds me of living at SRD, mostly because every time I hear a male voice my ears perk up and I immediately go investigate. What's the deal with that? ANYWAY, I came downstairs and ate a banana. I wasn't really hungry but it seemed appropriate to me to have something in my hand because everyone else had a beer. So I ate the banana and flipped through the channels on the TV about thirty times. I watched a couple minutes of what I'm going to assume was Soulplane, got disinterested and came upstairs. I think that maybe I'll see how late I can stay up tonight. I haven't stayed up all night in a long time (sober...sorry mom and dad) and I forgot how nice it can be to watch the sunrise and the early early morning news (you know, the broadcast from New York, from London if you're REAL early). And then you fall asleep at 7:45AM, just as the normal people stir. ANYWAY. I think that's what I'll do and study for the Praxis exams and think about what I'll do tomorrow. The plans already include shopping for interview clothes (pants) and going to see Dark Knight at the IMAX. This has been the topic of conversation for literally months. Perhaps seeing it will finally quell the noise...or just make me become an active part of it.

But, that's what's been going on, today anyway.

How do you spell zoo?

I have thought about many different things to write about in the last few weeks and per usual, I have forgotten all of these things as I sit in front of my computer. I have a little moleskin that I really should employ more often. I guess the trickier matter is having a pen at hand...

The weather has begun to turn slightly cooler. Today was the first humid, sticky day in a while, and I think tonight it is supposed to become cooler and drier again. I would like that, but I have been able to sleep with my balcony door open every night and wake up not sweating...so! ... this is a good thing. Any time I can not turn on the air conditioning, I am happy.

I am also sick. Sick sick sick. Something has been going around with the kids at work and I guess I'm bound to get it too if I'm asking people to blow their nose, more or less, into my hand several times a day. Being sick and being alone isn't fun. BUT!! The reason I am alone is good. Allison's older sister just had her second baby last week!! Congratulations to them! He is happy and healthy and named Rowan. I can't say that I'm not looking forward to Allison coming home tomorrow though. I even cleaned the kitchen floor. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

My ESL classes have been going well, but I left lesson plans and home baked cookies with someone else tonight to teach my class. My voice sounds mannish and smoker-y (I don't smoke) and so...you know, it's important to have a nice sounding voice if you're teaching someone a language. I think they will be in good hands. I am kind of disappointed to miss tonight's lesson though because it is all about food. Damn. Anyway, each class I've had between four and eight students from Mexico, Honduras and Nicaragua. Pretty fun crew. I think they think I'm just a crazy gringa. I guess that's pretty true.

So besides all the childrens being ill, work has been pretty fun. I took Penelope and Maelene to Audubon Zoo last week. We saw elephants and flamingos and monkeys and gorillas and white tigers and found a pink binky on the ground, but then put it back on the ground and rode the carousel and learned how to spell zoo and passed out in the car (not me, I was driving) and ate gelato and just had a lovely time. I learned to appreciate fold down changing tables in the women's rest room and had some conversation with a grandma about sunglasses on kids. All in all...a good experience. I did sort of feel compelled to talk loudly about bringing them back to their mothers though. I guess if they did anything really naughty (which they didn't) I didn't want people thinking they came out of me. ha! It sorta felt like rent-a-kid.

I'm going to be a ninja for Halloween. Ex-ci-TED! I'm gonna karate chop the crap out of people. I'm going to have no friends by the end of the night....ANYHOO, totally worth it.

I'll try to write down funny things that happen so I can relate them back to y'all. Most of the stuff I can think of right now that has made me laugh super hard in the past two weeks has been kid-poop related. Gross, right?

Sunday Night

I am excited. Tomorrow is the first day of Fall. I think Fall is the best season, hands down. And October is the best month.

Tomorrow I also start teaching an adult ESL course through the Hispanic Apostolate-Catholic Charities Archdiocese of New Orleans. I went to volunteer orientation all of Saturday and it was interesting and kind of scary. I know that I want to do this because I really value the chance I've had to work on acquiring a second language, HOWEVER! when theory becomes practice and I actually have to stand in front of adults and teach them English, it gets scary. We've been provided books and rough ideas for what to do each class, but lesson plans and creativity are up to me and I guess I'm feeling concerned for my students. The good thing about this program is that it is incredibly interactive between the volunteer teachers, tutors, etc etc, and we can bounce ideas off one another. I guess...I just, you know... public speaking...people depending on you...responsibility...scary.

These past couple of weeks have been strange. We're lucky nothing really happened with Gustav or Ike but adjusting after evacuating and screwed up schedules and pay checks and whatever else goes along with stopping real life for a week has kind of been miserable. Or well, I don't know, maybe I shouldn't use a word as strong as miserable, but it has been unpleasant. I've written about my love of routine before and so I think I don't really have to expand on the topic. I'm just looking forward to things feeling "normal" again. Or something like normal. It's funny to wake up and go to sleep and remember that this is "LIFE" and this is what it means to be "grown up" and it's weird because it's one of those things that you don't ever think is going to happen. And then it does, and your constantly reminding yourself that it is and you have to enjoy it. And do things. And live "life". And really consider phrases like "I'll sleep when I'm dead."

And I guess further on this, I've been realizing that all these past twenty-two years, when I didn't do something, someone else had to. And the only person you're truly accountable toward is yourself. And when you don't do these things (normal day-to-day things like eating healthy and changing your sheets), you're really hurting yourself. And I'm glad I'm learning this because I guess that's what it means to be responsible. AND ANYWAY! This blog went in a direction I wasn't expecting, but I guess that's the way it is. I'm going to work on my lesson plan for tomorrow now. I sure hope my students appreciate a sense of humor.

Back in New Orleans

yeeHAW! Back home to sweet, sweet lady NOLA. Very strange, but very good. Just as we pulled off of I-10 and onto S. Carrollton, I could already smell the vomit. MMM! Smells like home....

SO! Here's the report: There are police, EVERYWHERE. I've never seen more blue lights in my entire life. There was actually a hummer parked down the street from our house with a national guardsman and a gun sticking out the top. So I guess that's good??? There are branches and bits of trees lining the streets and boards still cover many windows and doors. The huge hibiscus plant that was in our front yard got pretty messed up and had to be cut down. Also, somehow... during the storm a pigeon got inside of our house!!! There is bird shit EVERYWHERE. On the kitchen counter...on the couch...on the stairs. Kind of disgusting. BUT! Really...if this is the worst we got from Gustav, I'll take it.

ANYWAY, now we just have to clean up the poop and sort of clean up the house. We left in a bit of a hurry. And Lana is here visiting from Alaska! I feel bad that it was such terrible timing... but I think we'll be able to make some fun anyway.

So that's all. I'm alive and well. I don't know when I'll have to go back to work, but I imagine it'll be Monday. Power is mostly on, at least in our neighborhood, but not everywhere in the city. A lot of street lights are out. I don't know. It's weird. But okay...bye.

Sunny, hot

I'm in Austin, still, and that's okay. It's hot and sunny and everything Austin is supposed to be in the summertime. Things don't really start to become any kind of cool until the end of October...and even then, it's iffy.

The first thing I do when I wake up is check the news. It's good to know the storm is passed without major catastrophe for New Orleans. We don't know what's happened to our house, but I can't imagine it is anything terrible. I'm not sighing with relief yet, but I'm certainly feeling a lot less "dooms day"-ish. I hate how influenced by media scare tactics I can be. But, to be fair to myself (which I like to try to be) I've never experienced anything like an evacuation before and it's not a normal thing to have to do.

This last thought being said, I continue to struggle with my feelings. I obviously can't take the situation lightly, however! considering my minimal investments in the city (time wise and "property" wise) I feel less justified in my feelings of ... well, anything. I'm having a hard time putting this into words. I guess, mostly, I just think I shouldn't be so "dramatic" about it all because I wouldn't really be losing anything had something happened. My home isn't New Orleans. I'm not living in a hotel right now. I'm not being TRULY displaced. I'm just having to go home to Mom and Dad. Wah wah, boo hoo. See what I mean? Maybe not. I haven't said anything.

ANYWAY, I'm in Austin with nothing to do, not so much with where to go. I took my laundry basket out of the trunk of my car this morning and a gecko came out. Mixed feelings: I saved a gecko from a hurricane! and disgusting...there was a gecko in my f'ing sheets. I've been spending a good amount of time with my family, which is welcome. You forget how funny your family is when you only talk on the phone. Mom made a ton of food on Saturday night for the Texas Football game. This she does always and as always it was delicious and too much. I had to bring a bag of cookies and brownies over to Jon and Tyler's the next day to deal with the excess. I also haven't been eating so vegan in the past couple of days. Kind of hard to not eat what Mom puts in front of you.......

SO that's it. I'm just trying to think of things to do. New Orleans didn't seem so small until coming back here. From my sisters' house it's hard to go anywhere without having to get on a high way. The streets are smoother, though...and people sort of use more turn signals. ANYWAY, I'm going to go pretend I have something important to do.

K.I.T.

Nervous

(from nola.com)
No worries, I'm not in New Orleans.

This is upsetting, to say the least. I've only been in the city barely 2 months and already I can't imagine not going back. It feels strange to be gone. I liked the way my life was going. I had plans. I can't even begin to fathom what it must be like for people who are from New Orleans. People who have real investments in that town. I can't fathom a lot of things.

We left (Allison and I) on Friday around one o'clock in the afternoon. I didn't think to pack really anything. In fact, I couldn't even find my keys. Luckily I had a spare car key, but I guess my other keys are going to be floating around somewhere....Let's hope not. But I suppose losing a set of keys is better than just about anything else you could lose. We saw caravan after caravan of buses on I-10 East, headed toward the city to evacuate people. It was surreal.

So I'm nervous. And I'm praying. And I hope you are too. This isn't looking good.

Saturday

Whenever I begin to write an entry I feel it essential to say a greeting salutation. "Hi"

So Hurricane/Tropical storm... something, Fay, is coming! Not worried but it is starting to get a bit windy outside. Maybe it'll cool down some too. I'd like that. This city is too hot and steamy. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in a port-a-potty. Is that how that's spelled? You know what I'm talking about, right?

Work has improved vastly. I work from 9-5 now, which I've always wanted so that when I listen to Dolly Parton's "9 to 5" I can really feel like she is singing about my life. I DO stumble out of bed and tumble to the kitchen...you know, to pour myself a cup of ambition. MAN, I love Dolly.

I've said this to every single person I know, but if I don't regularly talk to you I haven't, so, listen. The best part about this job is that I have become much less self conscious. It's really nice. I've also sort of become amazing. Yesterday I got a potty training one and a half year old successfully on the toilet with an infant strapped to my chest. I then got her to flush the toilet, wash her hands, get the paper towel in the trash AND back into a diaper. I'm getting so much practice for parenthood. I'm also experiencing the best birth control of my entire life. God help me not to have kids until I'm at least thirty.




Don't forget to write.

xoxo,
Annie

Long time no write

How it do, friends & family? I'm sitting in my room in good ol' New Orleans, watching the rain through my balcony door. Sometimes the rain days are better than the sun days. Today was better than most.

I got a full night's rest after a weekend at the beach in Alabama. I could write page upon page of my criticisms about Alabama/Mississippi/the South in general, but I won't, because I don't feel the need to be political. That's one thing I feel like I should be but I'm not. I just don't like talking politics. It's rude, right? Regardless of the many backwards things there, the beach was nice and I only got a little sunburned and it's because I neglected to put sunscreen on my upper left thigh. My bad. You know, I do have one (more than one if I think hard) really nice thing to say about Alabama- they have a lot of great farmers markets. I wanted to stop so badly, but we were crunched for time and I had no cash on me....but I bet those peaches are delicious. What a pie I could make...

Speaking of, I've been slacking off on my baking these days. I was on a roll, starting at the end of June, when I would make at least one baked treat a week. After my birthday, and the bag of peanut butter cookies that just couldn't get eaten, I stopped. Maybe I'll make something this week. It is only Monday.

Work improves daily. The kids and I are becoming more comfortable with one another and learning each other's likes and dislikes. Communication is key.

So I still don't have pictures of our place...because I haven't taken any. But I will! I'll wait until there is no rain. Fingers crossed. Be good and stay sweet.

Tired.

Having a full-time job is a lot of work. Ha..ha.

I flew back to Austin on Wednesday night and I am feeling a little bit tired. I've been thinking that maybe I should get one of those credit cards that gives you airline miles when you buy stuff. I don't know when I got to flying so much, but I feel like I do. And I think that's funny because I like to think that I'm somewhat of a "green person". Austin was nice, though. I got to hit up the three food establishments I've been missing (Mother's, FoodHeads and Wheatsville) and spend time with friends I thought I wouldn't see for a long time.

ANYWAY, on the plane this morning I felt tired because it was 6:45AM and I've had about eight hours of sleep the past two nights. The clouds looked like the stuffing had been ripped out of a giant, well-loved teddy bear's stomach. And I got to watch the sun rise, which is nice, although I guess I see it rise almost every weekday now.

I don't know. The past couple of days have just got me to get to some thinking. I whine too often about things that really aren't problems. However, I don't think that I should spend so much time down playing the value of my problems or comparing them to problems that will Always be worse than mine (poverty, hunger, whatnot) because they do still matter to my life. Do you know what I mean? Just because it's middle class, doesn't make it a non-problem.

Sigh, I'm still tired and this doesn't make much sense. I think I should take a nap.

Hi hi

So I thought I'd include a video I took on the train from Granada to Barcelona back in June. I talked to my dad on the phone just after I made it, or maybe just before, so that he could see what it is like. So, here you all may see what it is like too!

I've survived my first full work week here in New Orleans and I think I can tell you all a bit better now what my life is going to be like. I work as an in-office nanny at a company called Earth Search. Their website is www.earth-search.com. You should check it out. Here is a cut and paste text from their website that explains what they do:

"ESI maintains a full-time, professional staff of archaeolologists, historians, and architectural historians with in-depth knowledge of the field of cultural resource management, and has extensive experience with intensive cultural resource surveys, NRHP evaluations, archaeological data recovery, HABS and HAER documentation, construction monitoring, archival research, informant interviews, and Section 106 documentation. We have in-house capabilities in archaeology, historic preservation, history, marine archaeology, zooarchaeology, paleoethnobotany, bioarchaeology, and cultural anthropology."

I realize obviously that this job has nothing to do with my History degree, but I don't think it took me very long after graduation to figure out that most people don't really do anything that has to do with their degree. I get paid pretty well, have health benefits and a good office environment to work in. I can wear what I want to work AND I get to play with really funny and intelligent little kids all day. It's a pretty good deal. Plus, I think in the future I'd really like to teach English abroad to kids, so it'll be great experience for that. I also think that there may or may not be a slight chance to do other work in the office someday. Maybe then I can use my degree.

I am happy and things are good. I can't really think of any very funny stories to tell at the moment. I did have a dream the other night that I asked Allison how to get "baby smell" out of my clothes. Oh! Other good news... I was concerned when moving here about where I was going to buy groceries (being vegan and not wanting to support Whole Foods). Austin has a great co-op where I would do 85 percent of my shopping. I just learned (via a flyer someone posted on the refrigerator at work) that a co-op is going to open up in 2009 just down the street from where I work. HOORAY! I went ahead and paid the $100 to become a member now and I think I am going to start going to the meetings that they have. Anyway, I'm excited by this. It also makes living here feel a lot more permanent.

And I feel okay with that too. I am going to try to take some pictures and give you guys an idea of where I live.

Good news.

I got a job. And I start on Monday. Now's when I start complaining about how I hate having to be a "grown up" and going to work and "selling out to the man."


But really...I kinda like it. Don't tell.

Week One

Anyone else who has ever looked for a job, ever, probably understands how I feel right now: incredibly frustrated. I'm at the lovely post-college place of little to no experience, but a hell of a lot of courses about post-colonial rhetoric in modern American cinema...or something equally useless. I've had a couple of interviews, so that's good, but still! I need employment. I need purpose. I need structure!

I think most of my frustration stems from everything feeling so unknown. And I know that I won't "know" anything unless I start to make an effort to "know" things, but it turns out that is hard to do. It's hard to make yourself leave your comfortable little, air-conditioned space and go out into the big, bad, humid, stormy city that everyone tells you you are going to be shot in. And really, REALLY when I think about it, that isn't what makes me nervous or hesitant. It's just the not knowing. And maybe the roads here. They are miserable. Driving in New Orleans is like driving in a foreign country. There is all this "neutral ground" crap that I still totally don't understand and now that the street cars are running, it's just one more hazard that's there to look out for.

My point, sort of: if you are ever going to move to a new city, try to have a job before you get there. Having nothing to do is much harder than the opposite...psychologically anyway.

First night in New Orleans

I had a dream last night that I was back at High School. It had just been rebuilt and had room for tons of kids, even little tiny ones. I went into my math class, where there were also some other people from my High School, notably a group of overly eager people who REALLY REALLY wanted to sit with each other in the front row. I took a spot in the back next to Allison. There was a math problem up on the overhead that everyone was working on. I looked at it for a minute and picked up my pen as if I were going to attempt to solve it. After a few seconds and looking around, I put down my pen and said out loud to the class, "Yeah...this isn't the place for me, so...I'm just going to go now. History is more my thing. I like facts. I like reading and writing History ...so... see ya later." I stood up and my math teacher, Mr. Rowe (the same man from my Pre-Calculus and AP Calculus classes), followed me out the door. He gave me a huge bear hug, lifted me off of the ground even, and said, "Good luck. I think you should write your first novel." But in very kind and supportive way and then went on to describe what I should have in my novel, WHICH! terribly, I can't remember now, but he went on for quite some time. Then I walked away and woke up.

Is this a bad sign?

Back in Texas

Hi, I am safely back to Texas AND figured out how to make the title not be in Hindi.

Getting back to Texas was a trial. We were awake for nearly 24 straight hours and by the end of it, I felt that way. I feel much happier to be back in Texas than I did the last time I came home. I know that this is because before I was leaving a home and this time I wasn't leaving anything necessarily. I am excited to not live out of a backpack anymore. I will be living out of boxes that my mother has so kindly organized for me. I do feel a little bit like a child when I have to ask my mom where she packed my underwear. So it goes...

Even though I only just arrived home 48 hours ago, I think I have figured out why I took this trip. That sounds stupid, but it's not, hold on, I'll explain. Obviously, I had motivations for taking this trip in the first place: Leonie's wedding, seeing friends, seeing things, getting away (from what, I don't know), etc. And I did all of these things (I have the pictures to prove it) but post-trip, I realize that there was a lot more about this past month, beyond the obvious.

Before I left in May I was feeling a lot of anxiety and a lot of stress and generally not in a very positive state of mind. The only thing that was really "getting me through" it all was that I would be in Germany in a matter of days. I am not really sure why I felt like Germany (or the people in it) were going to solve my problems, but I did. I am very good at running away. But anyway, I wasn't feeling good about moving to New Orleans or out of my place in Austin or my parents moving or really, pretty much, anything that happened to be taking place at the time. (This was before Barack Obama was named the democratic nominee). But time continued on and everything happened whether I thought I was prepared to deal with or not. Turns out that's how things work: shit happens, you adapt. So, time rolled on and I got all packed up and moved out and to Dallas and on a plane and in Frankfurt and in a car and at Alban Stolz Haus and then it was...you know...real. I walked in the door, passed the mail boxes, up the stairs, into the kitchen and I was there. It smelled the same. It mostly looked the same. I saw the same people. It was weird. Really weird. And uncomfortable and I had to really think about why I felt that way so that I could stop feeling that way because Lord knows I don't already feel weird enough about everything. I really like change, most of the time, and I was having a lot of difficulty dealing with this place that had been such a huge part of my life in the past few years. Anyway, I'm not going to go into that much deeper.

But the trip continued and I pretty much continued to feel uneasiness about moving. And then I saw Kristen and we had a lot of time to just talk and she shared about her experiences with moving abroad and being alone and adapting to different situations and it was very good for me. And I began to feel a bit better. And then I traveled alone through Spain and met Crystal, which was great, because it was a connection back to the past. And then I traveled alone to meet Helki, who was a reconnection with the present. And we made it through France, although I got sick again but was nursed by Chris' mother in Paris. And then we got back to Germany and again we had the mindset of Germany somehow solving our problems. Cologne was great, but we saw Erik there, who more or less, I think could be considered a tie back to Freiburg. So I was now having a sort of emotional mix of past, present, future, and it was strange but not bad. And anyway, after this rambling and poorly written paragraph, I have this to say.

I realized the importance of maintaining relationships and giving people more than a face-value. I learned about learning from other's experiences. I became slightly more self-aware, or at least more comfortable with the idea of being alone. And I think, most importantly, I am less afraid now of certain things I was a month ago. Not necessarily in some huge way (it was only a month) but I am definitely slightly (slightly) less wimpy, and I think that is good. And this is what I have to offer you for a post right now.

बोन्न

This time I have decided to keep this title in curly language. It says 'Bonn'.

Helki and I have spent the past week in Köln (Cologne) and it was pretty neat, I guess. I have stayed in hostels many times before but this was definitely the most stereotypical hostel experience I have ever had. I think I mentioned that in my last post, but now I can't remember. What I mean when I say that is that everyone hung out with each other and talked and there was just a lot of drinking and whatever together. I, not for the sake of sounding pious or something, didn't partake in the drinking because I am AGAIN sick with some sort of weird throat-cough-thing. But I think I am getting better. And it's hard typing this now, not because I have been speaking so much German or something, but I guess more than I would in Texas, and I feel as though I am losing my ability to properly convey my thoughts in functional English.

Therefore, this really pathetic paragraph will be it for now. I will sleep tonight and hopefully dream up something wonderful to say.

Okay, I don't know what I have done but when I try to type a title, it continues to come out in Thai. Therefore, my title would have been, "Back in Germany", but that sounds worse now that it is in the middle of the sentence, instead of in bold at the top of a paragraph.

Quite a few things have happened since I last wrote. I think I left you at the Kristen-Annie-French Train Fiasco of 2008. Because of the way internet access has gone, I may have to wait to post-trip write about these things because I never seem to have the time I'd really like to think about what I am writing. I am very thoughtful, you know. But a brief summary, since Madrid, I have visited Crystal in Granada and seen La Alhambra. I have taken an over night train to Barcelona and traveled to shitty, small French towns, where I received a business card for a job prospect in New Orleans. I've seen how French engineers party in Toulouse and been rained on in Bordeaux. I've spent the night in the 20th district of Paris: a walking ad for diversity. I have been 'Mom-Medicated' by a true French mother. And here I am now, having THE MOST hostel-y experience I have ever had EVER, at the Black Sheep Hostel in Cologne. And I am feeling good. Beginning to not be sick anymore and happy to be in a place where I can speak the language. I am looking forward to seeing Erik and his friends. And Helki just reminded me that we will be going to a chocolate museum today...so, basically, all is right in the world. Next week, we will be staying with Helki's grandpa and I think that we are going to try to get him to eat some vegan food. I am a sneaky snake. And then we come home...and I don't think I'll be so sad about it because I am ready to nest and have a little spot of my own. The 10 hour drive to New Orleans seems much less daunting after the past few weeks.

Anyway, that's what I've got. I promise more later.

For whatever reason, right now when I try to type a title for my blog it is coming out in some sort of curly-looking language. I have no idea what that shit is. Good thing I didn´t have any good idea for a title anyway.

Kristen and I are in Madrid after a long couple of days of travel. On Tuesday, I went with Kristen to visit one of her English classes and it was really fun. Believe it or not, I get along pretty okay with French children. I sat in the back of the room in a shared desk with a boy named Hugo while Kristen sang songs and talked in French. I sort of, mostly understood what was going on. Then the kids, about 10-11 years old, asked me questions including, but not limited to, my favorite color, whether or not I play volleyball and my phone number. The same boy who asked me what my phone number was also yelled "I love you" as I walked out the door. So, if all else fails, I can bank on an 11 year old French boyfriend. Awesome.

That night we went to the train station to get tickets to go to Paris and Madrid, but apparently there was/is a train strike and according to the man who worked at the SNCF, it just didn´t work. So, we went ahead and went to Bayeux to meet the Normandy Scholars at the Moulin Morin and made some dinner of asperagus and potatoes and had a nice time. Kristen taught me this phrase in France, "il n'a pas arrive" meaning, "it didn't arrive" and I think that pretty much explains our entire/my entire experience in France thus far. People say this when either they are too lazy to do something or it really just doesn't work out. Either way, it is really irritating. Lucky for us, Francoise figured out how to get us a ride from Bayeux to a big enough city that we could catch a train to Paris, in hopes of making it to Madrid the next day (Thursday). The bus driver for the group took us to some town where we spent an hour with surprisingly helpful and friendly Frenchmen that figured out the ABSOLUTE most ridiculous way to get us to Madrid, the next day, that also some how circumvented said train strikes. Although the plan "worked" we'd have to spend the night in Paris at a pretty expensive hotel and wake up early the next morning to catch a train to some place called Irún. I'd like to explain this all in more detail, but I am at an internet cafe now and have about two minutes left of time. Therefore, I will make this quasi-interesting and leave you hanging.

Until, most likely, Granada, be good! Also, I have to mention that the song "Time after Time" is playing on the radio and it makes this all slightly more surreal. Okay, bye.

Uh, France

Hi. Here I am in Caen, France, sitting in Kristen's room, while she reads a book...bookishly. I thought I might be more poetic with that last sentence but I wasn't, and I'm not, so there you are. I've been in Europe for almost exactly a week now and it's been fairly "jam-packed". Are those words hyphenated? I don't know. I've never really understood hyphens.

ANYWAY,Helki and I arrived in Frankfurt last Tuesday around noon. Our plane was supposed to land at 11 or so, but there was some sort of mechanical problem in Chicago and we were delayed an hour. This normally wouldn't have been such a big deal but we had planned ahead to do a ride share (Mitfahrgelegenheit) with a guy named Claus, who happened to work for Lufthansa. ANYWAY, it's less than half the price of taking the train from Frankfurt to Freiburg and the time it takes is just about the same. So Claus, although he had ended up already leaving the airport by the time we got there, because we were so late, was nice enough to come back and get us when we called. It was a pretty nice drive down the Autobahn in his Volkswagen. It was kind of exactly everything you might hope a rideshare with a German would be. Mostly what I mean by that was that he drove a Volkswagen and we drove on the Autobahn...ANYWAY, he was very nice and dropped us off right at the door of Alban Stolz. Once we got there, Mark and Carolin were waiting with some cake and coffee and we had a nice chat and then I honestly don't remember what we did after that. Not because I was drunk or something, but because I really don't remember. The next morning we got up and had some breakfast at Aspekt, a place that we liked to go when I was studying there and Helki and I spent the day in the city. We bought some cell phones to use while we're over here and lucky for us half of the words used in the realm of technology are the same in English, except that you have to say them with a German accent. So that's cool, I guess. We met Mark in the afternoon for some coffee and then I suppose we went home and made some dinner. That night they decided to go ahead and open the bar at the dormitory, which would not normally be open because Germany has a holiday right now for Pentacost (what this country won't take vacation for, I don't know) and they had karaoke. And that was of course hilarious, I guess. I don't know. Honestly, it was all pretty weird to be back at Alban, especially without my American friends. I was also kind of weirded out by how excited some people seemed to be to see me. People that I never necessarily thought about as being that great of friends, but that is definitely a nice thing. Although, a lot of people seemed to have some trouble realizing it was me because my hair is shorter and I guess there wouldn't be any reason for them to expect me to be there. Anyway, the whole first half of the week was really kind of crappy because I was sick from running my body too hard before I left (moving out and whatever), so I never really enjoyed myself as much or did as much as I really wanted to. C'est la vie...

On Saturday morning Helki and I got up REALLY early in order to make our way to Herrenberg, outside of Stuttgart, for her cousin Leonie's wedding. I think this whole experience, wedding and all, would've been 1,000x more enjoyable if I hadn't (really fucking foolishly) decided to match drinks with a hearty, twenty-two year old Hungarian boy (on his birthday, no less) the night before. Suffice to say, I will NEVER drink Kirschwasser again or fall into bushes. The wedding was pretty neat though and Helki's family was incredibly nice and I met my German doppelgaenger. She was an incredibly tiny German granny who was wearing more or less the same outfit as I was for the wedding. When I say tiny, I mean that when I was sitting down in a chair, we were the same height. She could hug Very hard. The next morning, feeling slightly to mostly better, Helki and I went into Stuttgart and met Christoph. He showed us around the city some and we had a little food. Unfortunately it was raining pretty hard, so we mostly just hung inside and Christoph and I watched this show called "Tat/Ort" which is apparently pretty popular and comes on every Sunday night for an hour and a half. Christoph really enjoys this show so...yea, I watched it with him and although I haven't really watched CSI or something like that, I think you could say it's like those shows but with slighly more humor. For example, a little person plays one of the main characters, and although I realize that isn't supposed to be funny, I think it brings a certain sense of lightness or something. Christoph's roommate Philliip came home while we were watching the show (in Phillip's) room, which wasn't a big deal and sat and watched it with us. And I think Phillip is also the biggest German that I have seen since being in Germany. No joke. I think my shoe could probably fit inside of his. A gentle giant from Bavaria....I guess he wasn't that huge.

ANYWAY, I left Stuttgart this morning and some how managed to get myself all the way to Caen to see Kristen. I know very little French and incredibly it works for me everytime. I guess I just know exactly the right words. It was a little strange while I was waiting in line for a ticket because there was a couple near me from Midland, Texas, but I didn't dare talk to them because I most certainly didn't want to give it away that I was Texan too... Something about France makes me suddenly slightly more ashamed of where I am from. I don't think I could ever pass for being French, but I think I can pass for German, so I guess it's just based on a general uncomfortablness (that's for sure not a word) of so obviously not fitting in. Another of example of this would be tonight when Kristen's french friends met us for a drink. Her male friend Manu very nicely gave me the French kisses on my cheeks and frankly I just couldn't handle it. I don't think it is a secret that I am fiercely protective of my personal space bubble and I'm sure he could feel how tense I became..besides the fact that I offered him my hand and he went for the cheek. Again, c'est la vie. I don't think anyone really gives a shit but me. SO ANYWAY, there we are. Tomorrow I am going to visit Kristen's English class and try to teach some french children bad words. Then in the afternoon/evening we are going to meet the Normandy Scholars in Bayeux and stay with them for the night before we go to Paris to take an overnight train to Madrid. Despite all the wishes of sun and fun from my German friends, it looks like it'll be raining the entire time we are there. Boo. At least I've figured out how to say "I am a strict vegetarian" in Spanish. Also, there seems to be no such thing in France.

So that's it. I'm here and doing my thing and feeling weird about the fact that I have no real home when I come home.

the Chaparosa

OMG.. moving sucks. I wish I had the balls to throw all my stuff away. I guess I can do that when I come back in June. I'm feeling a lot better about the trip. It's less than a week away now and we have places to stay (more or less) everywhere but Paris. But, you know, it's PARIS! There will be a place to sleep, perhaps on a bench with a baguette for a pillow, under the Eiffel Tower, c'est la vie or something. Yeah...

This is not a thing to worry about. However, crazy lady at the Chap is.

I think she called the cops on me and Helki tonight. We were moving some stuff out of my place and this plastic set of drawers EXPLODED all over the second floor stairs and office supplies went everywhere (plus my iPOD and some camera memory cards and my social security card and it'snotabigdealwhateverbecauseIfoundeverything). But it WAS a real-life Home Alone, Kevin-style boobie trap. Not on purpose, obviously, but Helki ended up with a thumb tack in her shoe. Anyway, when it fell, it made a really loud noise (I heard it from inside the closet in my apartment) and multiple neighbors either came outside or locked their doors because I guess you lock your door when you hear loud noises these days and Crazy McOldlady who shouldn't be living in our apartment complex called the cops. Of course we didn't get in trouble or anything because they only had to talk to her for 30 seconds to realize that she is totally insane. But ANYWAY, she yelled at Ellen the other day, saying that she was throwing beer bottles off the second floor (not true). Another time she yelled at one of our neighbors telling him to go back to India with his Indian penis and to stop making babies and blah blah blah (wtf?). She just sits by the pool and pretends to talk on the pay phone and RUINS MY LIFE.

ANYWAY, I think she thinks that we spend our time trying to think how to fuck with her and really I sort of wish we did because it would just be awesome.

So that was my cultural experience for today.

Moving

I guess because this"blog" is generally related to being abroad and cultural experiences, it would be sensible to write about preparations for my upcoming trip back to Germany (and France and Spain).

The best way to describe how I've been feeling lately is probably anxious and I experience it positively and negatively.

Positive:
-I like traveling, or well, I think I like the idea of traveling.
-I like being in new places.
-I like meeting new people and seeing friends I haven't seen in a long time.
-I get to experience new cultures.

Negative:
-I have a hard time giving up control and I'm struggling with the idea of "winging it." There exists, more or less, a definitive plan, but I don't really like being accountable to anyone but myself or the idea of someone else depending on me to figure things out.
-New and foreign situations are simultaneously exciting and terrifying.
-My French and Spanish language skills are rudimentary at best.
-I'm kind of scared.

This last feeling is based in a couple of things outside of just planning a trip abroad, but mostly my parents moving to Austin and me moving to New Orleans and starting some sort of career. I quit my job at BookPeople about a month ago to "allow myself time to get ready before I left" and I've pretty much wasted any time I've had up until this point when now I'm suddenly realizing, "Oh shit, I have to move out of my apartment in a week and pack for a month of travel, etc." Although I recognize that these really aren't too terrible of problems to have, they're still pretty real to me right now. I am slowly picking away at the tasks I must accomplish before I leave and it's going at a slow rate, but going nonetheless. And I know that it's only a matter of nights before I start having nightmares about losing my passport or getting on the wrong plane, and I'm not really looking forward to them because they are always way too vivid for comfort.

ANYWAY, I've been reading too much Chuck Klosterman and I think he is affecting how often I might normally think about my mortality, or just existence in general. Death is definitely something that's rarely on my mind, but after reading Killing yourself to live, I'm wondering if it's something I should be thinking about more.

Probably not.

I'm going to do this again

Hi real-life friends on the virtual super highway, or something! I'm back by popular demand. Hey Mom, thanks for reading. You were always so much more tech-savvy than me.

Now that I am no longer employed by "the man" and work as a "freelance sit-arounder" and spend a lot of time thinking about how to steal Samantha Brown's job, I've had a lot of time on my hands to store up funny, or at least what I think is funny, things to say. Although now that I've put myself on the spot, and on the internet, I can't actually think of any of those things, but know that I laughed out loud by myself a lot today...and that actually may just be because I think I was still drunk from last night. Hey Mom, sorry for that, my bad.

To wrap this up, I'm going to start writing about whatever again. I'll be going back to Europe in a couple of weeks, so I'm sure to have some good stories from that. (Fingers crossed) And I'll be moving to a new city a few days after I get back from said European adventure and I imagine I'll have some goods things to say about that as well. I mean, the last time I went to New Orleans my friend literally lost his pants, but he got another pair from someone so it was okay, I guess.

So here we are back together again, German Gournal.

K.I.T.