Moving

I guess because this"blog" is generally related to being abroad and cultural experiences, it would be sensible to write about preparations for my upcoming trip back to Germany (and France and Spain).

The best way to describe how I've been feeling lately is probably anxious and I experience it positively and negatively.

Positive:
-I like traveling, or well, I think I like the idea of traveling.
-I like being in new places.
-I like meeting new people and seeing friends I haven't seen in a long time.
-I get to experience new cultures.

Negative:
-I have a hard time giving up control and I'm struggling with the idea of "winging it." There exists, more or less, a definitive plan, but I don't really like being accountable to anyone but myself or the idea of someone else depending on me to figure things out.
-New and foreign situations are simultaneously exciting and terrifying.
-My French and Spanish language skills are rudimentary at best.
-I'm kind of scared.

This last feeling is based in a couple of things outside of just planning a trip abroad, but mostly my parents moving to Austin and me moving to New Orleans and starting some sort of career. I quit my job at BookPeople about a month ago to "allow myself time to get ready before I left" and I've pretty much wasted any time I've had up until this point when now I'm suddenly realizing, "Oh shit, I have to move out of my apartment in a week and pack for a month of travel, etc." Although I recognize that these really aren't too terrible of problems to have, they're still pretty real to me right now. I am slowly picking away at the tasks I must accomplish before I leave and it's going at a slow rate, but going nonetheless. And I know that it's only a matter of nights before I start having nightmares about losing my passport or getting on the wrong plane, and I'm not really looking forward to them because they are always way too vivid for comfort.

ANYWAY, I've been reading too much Chuck Klosterman and I think he is affecting how often I might normally think about my mortality, or just existence in general. Death is definitely something that's rarely on my mind, but after reading Killing yourself to live, I'm wondering if it's something I should be thinking about more.

Probably not.