Thirteen More Instructional Days

You know when you start doing something and you think, "There is no way I will ever make it. I will die before I'm done."??? Well, that's how I felt about two weeks into teaching and I haven't died (yet). Although, the school did require me to get a throat swab last week to prove that I didn't have swine flu (I don't) and so, I guess that's been the closest that I have come to death. (Allergies) Although I have been called lots of nice names. (Ms. Book, ugly bitch, white whore, racist, cracker white bitch, casper, lady, brah, etc.)

I feel very ready for this year to be over. But I'm still looking forward to the fall. I STILL don't know my assignment, but I do know that it will be a contained classroom. This will be much better than being an elective teacher. (which is miserable)

I can't really decide how I feel about teaching, if it is something for me or not. Sometimes I don't think that just finding kids funny is enough reason to be in a classroom. Because, really, most days, the funny shit kids say to me is what makes it okay. I've really not had any of those "teachable moments" where you impart some sort of wisdom on a young person and watch their eyes change to understanding. Yeah, nope. I am, however, becoming better at being very explicit with directions. (z.B.: "Without putting your hands on another person, place your paper in the green folder, face up, with your name on it. If you don't write your name, I don't feel like playing detective today, so you will get a sixty.")

I can certainly tell you that I hate middle schoolers, though. I really do. I did NOT sign up to play momma to a bunch of 13 and 14 year old assholes. I really don't give a shit that you're going through puberty and all emotional and hormonal and want to be a bitch, I just want to give you your damn spelling test and talk to you as little as possible.... Harsh? Well, spend an hour and a half with my seventh grade class and you'll get it. EVERYTHING IS AN ARGUMENT. I really think if I write about this anymore I'll just piss myself off and Sunday is the day that I'm not supposed to think about students.

Life outside of teaching is minimal. I find myself so exhausted by the time Friday comes that I don't want to do anything. And if I'm not exhausted, I'm probably infested with some disgusting germ a child coughed into my face. I'm just not very good at partying like a 22 year old is supposed to in this town. I'm terrible at being hung over and I don't know how much I even like to be drunk. Meh. It's really that one sentence that makes me think I couldn't live in New Orleans forever. Sometimes, I just don't feel like getting drunk. That doesn't translate here.

I'm looking forward to coming back to Austin this summer. The closer and closer it comes, the more I think I'd like to be there the majority of the summer. I've applied to two separate summer courses, so my acceptance to either of those will affect my plans. I'd also like to go to Montreal this summer. Hopefully I can stop online shopping and actually save two pennies so I can afford to do this.

I guess I'm generally happy with life. I don't know. It could be worse right? I think it's just shocking to "grow up". I think it's something that I was always RUNNING towards (I hated high school the second I stepped foot inside, I graduated early from college, etc.) but now that I've crossed the "finish line" I'm a little bit disappointed. Is it too negative to say that that seems to be how I've felt about most of life's "milestones"? (May I specifically quote the day I got my period? "oh damn, I'm a woman.")

I didn't plan what I would write before I started writing and it's scattered. Oh, I found my notes the other day from the trip with Helki last summer. I sort of thought about making those into entries. I feel like I've forgotten too much to make them anything good though. Sad. I forget things too quickly.